ALLOWING YOURSELF FREEDOM TO ADAPT

All human brains are built to adapt.

They are programmed to adjust as we encounter new environments and — importantly — new versions of ourselves as we grow and change throughout our lives. Often we feel like our sense of self — our identity, our self esteem— is stuck. We don’t like who we are or how we feel about ourselves. The good news is — we can change that! We can update our model of ourselves. But we can only do it through building evidence for ourselves that we are different — and this takes time and work.

We’ll end this section with two takeaways:

Self esteem is built, not granted

Perhaps you don’t have the most robust self esteem. Good, healthy self esteem doesn’t come from practicing empty affirmations – it comes from watching yourself do things well in reality. Often we don’t show up because we don’t believe in ourselves…At Personily, we flip that. We show up regardless of how we feel about ourselves, and that in turn teaches us to believe in ourselves.

Conflict drives change

People change because they want or need something and can’t get it in the current state of the world. It’s critically important not to protect people (or ourselves) from the consequences of their actions – the only way change occurs is when those consequences prevent the individual from getting what they want.

Reflection Questions:

  • In what areas of your life do you feel like you aren’t getting what you need?

  • How do you want to feel or think about yourself? What evidence do you need to change your mind?

  • Where do you feel the most conflict in your life currently? What might that conflict be telling you about yourself?