Self Actualization

So reality is hard. Yet we still need to operate in it.

Self actualization is the process of moving closer toward our ideal selves, towards getting more of our needs met.

We often do this through setting goals that would get us closer to our ideal self, and then setting our real self to work in achieving those goals. As we achieve our goals, we update our identity to be a bit closer to our ideal self, and our self esteem improves. When we miss our goals, we may update our identity to be further away from our ideal self, and our self esteem dips.

Self actualization, effectively achieving our goals in the real world, is where the rubber meets the road on our model of ourselves. The less aligned our identity is with reality, the harder it’s going to be to get our real selves to do real things in the real world.

Imagine we’re back in that space ship — we don’t really know what’s outside, but we have a viewing screen that represents what’s outside the ship. Your goal is to get your space ship to earth.

You have two options. A) a viewing screen that shows your relative position to earth, and nothing else, or B) a viewing screen that also shows you all the asteroids between here and earth. I suspect you’ll want viewing screen B. While screen A is nicer, and less anxiety invoking, not knowing where there are asteroids between here and earth makes it impossible to effectively navigate around them. Asteroids suck, but they’re real, and to meet our goals we have to operate in reality.

Similarly, if your model of yourself ignores important information, it could make it challenging to achieve your goals. From our last examples — if I want to impress a date, it’s helpful to know how good a cook I am; and if I want an A in math, it’s helpful to know how good a student I am. Otherwise, our planned course between where we are now and where we want to be will littered with unexpected obstacles that we aren’t necessarily prepared to cope with.

Our models are never right, but we need them to be good enough for us to be effective in the world at achieving our goals and meeting our needs.