Self-Actualization

So, reality is hard. Yet we still need to operate in it.

Self-actualization is the process of moving closer toward our ideal selves, towards getting more of our needs met.

We do this by setting goals that bring us closer to our ideal-self. We then set our real-self to work in achieving those goals. As we achieve our goals, our identity updates to be a bit closer to our ideal-self, and our self-esteem improves. When we miss our goals, we may update our identity to be further away from our ideal-self, and our self-esteem dips.

Self-actualization is both a destination and a journey. It’s how effectively you’re able to apply your real self towards becoming your ideal self. Working towards and achieving our goals in the real world is where the rubber meets the road on our model of ourselves. The less aligned our identity is with reality, the harder it’s going to be to get our real selves to do real things in the real world.

Imagine we’re back in that spaceship 🚀 — we don’t really know what’s outside, but we have a viewing screen that represents what’s outside the ship. Your goal is to get your spaceship to earth 🌍.

You have two options. A) a viewing screen that shows your relative position to earth, and nothing else, or B) a viewing screen that also shows you all the asteroids between here and earth. I suspect we’d prefer viewing screen B. While screen A is less anxiety provoking, not knowing where there are asteroids between here and earth makes it near impossible to effectively navigate around them. Asteroids suck, but they’re real, and to meet our goals we have to operate in light of them, not ignoring them.

Similarly, if your model of yourself ignores important information – good or bad– it could make it challenging to achieve your goals. From our last examples — if I want to impress a date, it’s helpful to know how good a cook I am; and if I want an A in math, it’s helpful to know how good a student I am. Otherwise, our planned course between where we are now and where we want to be will be littered with unexpected obstacles that we are unprepared to cope with.

Our models are never perfect, but we need them to be good enough – allowing us to be effective in the world at achieving our goals and meeting our needs.