Self
➡️ Identity: Who your brain believes you are right now
➡️ Ideal-Self: Who you brain believes you need to be to meet your needs
Some important takeaways from our discussion:
➡️ Self-esteem is your confidence that you have what it takes to get your needs met. Said another way, it’s the gap between your identity and your ideal self
➡️ Self-reflection is the process of evaluating the evidence you have about yourself, helping you identify and close the gap between your identity and your real self
➡️ Self-actualization is your capacity to work towards living your best life – how effectively you’re able to apply your real-self towards becoming your ideal-self
You can probably already start to see where some of the vulnerabilities in this sense of self may lie — an identity that doesn’t reflect reality (I’m a good cook!), setting goals that don’t really meet your needs (I’ll feel safe if I get an A in math), or designing goals that don’t make sense given your abilities (I’ll meet my need for love through my cooking and impressive collection of A’s in math!).
Each of these “modeling errors” create instability in our sense of self — it creates an opportunity for us to run into the walls (or asteroids!) of reality with a crash rather than a gentle bump.
We all make these errors, but the larger the errors, the more vulnerable we become, and the more unstable, unpredictable and stressful our lives feel. Next week, we’ll talk about how our model of self can get out of whack, and then talk about how we might fix it.
👉 Here’s a summary of what we covered:
🤔 Reflection Question Recap:
How would you describe your model of yourself currently? Choose an environment or setting (work/school, family life, etc.). What is your impression of yourself in that context?
What evidence did you create about yourself today? Did you learn anything surprising about yourself? Does it update your beliefs about yourself?
Which gaps between your ideal and real self are the most important to you? Which do you spend the most time thinking about? Are those gaps you think about different from the gaps you spend most time working on?
When was the last time you were surprised by your ability to do something - either positively or negatively? Did that update your model of yourself?
Think about a goal you’re looking to achieve. If you were to achieve it, what need could you better be able to meet? What about you today makes it hard to meet that need?
Questions on how to apply these concepts to your own life? Take the next step.
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