Recovery
Expanding our tolerances
Each of the strategies described earlier are ways of compensating for an unstable self.
The more we engage with them, the more we reinforce our belief that we cannot meet our needs unless we meet certain stringent conditions: We aren’t OK unless that person is present, unless we don’t make any mistakes, unless we are the best.
Most people instinctively respond to these limitations by trying to fit within them. The result is that they narrow the window in which they are “OK”.
In such a narrow window of operation, behavior becomes ever more rigid to color within the lines. Life becomes smaller and distress becomes more frequent. This creates a vicious cycle where distress narrows tolerances, which increases distress, until life is so narrow it becomes hard to live at all.
To escape this prison of our own making, we have to reverse this narrowing process.
This means learning through experience and self reflection that we are OK in a wider range of circumstances – even, and especially, when our stringent, rigid expectations aren’t met. This allows us to become more robust to the natural ups and downs of life.
This is very hard, but it is absolutely possible. We see the process as having 3 key steps:
1️⃣ Awareness
2️⃣ Grieving
3️⃣ Practice
👉 The process of escaping survival mode starts with 3 key steps: awareness, grief, practice
🤔 Reflection of the Day: Where do you feel the most pain in your life? What tolerance limits could you be bumping into?