Other
This pattern of an unstable self and intense, unstable relationships also goes hand in hand with wide mood swings.
When we feel connected, we can be intensely happy, but at the first signs of rejection, we can shift rapidly to feeling irritable, ashamed, anxious. The perfect relationship is a bubble, and this fear of rejection is the moment the bubble bursts 🫧.
We also may feel intense anger – sometimes to the point of rage – at those that dismay and betray us through rejection or abandonment. The other person, in their rejection, is directly thwarting our need – not only for love – but for survival, safety and a sense of self. So much is at stake.
This anger may look different in different people – some people lose their temper and lash out at others, screaming and shouting. Others may punish themselves, burying those feelings and putting on a mask or facade that leads them to feel misunderstood and alone. We call the first type of reaction “undercontrol” and the second “overcontrol”. These stylistic differences can lead the same underlying vulnerabilities to show up differently in different people.
🚢 These wide and intense mood swings make us feel like a ship tossed about on a stormy sea – it’s hard to stay on course – to concentrate and focus on work or school – when there is so much up and down.
👉 When other’s meet our needs we feel ‘ok’, and when they don’t, we swing fast and hard to ‘I’m not ok’.
🤔 Reflection of the Day: Do you feel like your moods and emotions are largely driven by your interactions and level of connection with others? If so, how?